I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
