Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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