I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
