my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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