Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
