Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
