He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
