when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
