she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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