We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Someone signed my nipple.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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