So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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