I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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