the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
