absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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