She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
