i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
