Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
