I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
