i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
