my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
