i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
My dick has a subreddit
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
