I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
