he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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