What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
