Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
