He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
