All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
