he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
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I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
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He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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