I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
