Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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