Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
My liver just broke up with me...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Is Oprah even human
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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