the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
