We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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