dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
