Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize