I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Need sex. Gaining weight.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
