I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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