Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
