she kept yelling 'call me bella'
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
