forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
