batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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