hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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