Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
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Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
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He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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