Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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