I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I just found puke in my bra..
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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