Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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