one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
