this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
