If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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