Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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