oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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