i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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