There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
