So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
