you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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