so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
