Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
