Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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