So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
