i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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