Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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