i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Everything about him screamed your future.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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