Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
