i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
