it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
