proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
