just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
