According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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