Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
well you can't waste a boner
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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