I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
