I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
