if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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