I forgot how hot balto sounded
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
