Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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