I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
