Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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