i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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