I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
