i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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