I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
