Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
