why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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