well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
