Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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