just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
