The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
